Seantuismitheoirí

 (grandparents) 

 

 Both of my grandfathers served in the Second World War.  Until recently, though, I resisted referring to their generation as “the greatest generation.”  I chafed at the slight, perceived or real, on my parent’s generation, mine, and now my sister’s children and their contemporaries.

Be that as it may, when I compare the response to the crises they had to endure to the response of the current health crises that we’re still not done with; there is no comparison.

They were the last generation in our country to be called upon to give things up – big and small – for an unknown, unspecified amount of time.

“Sugar will be rationed until further notice” among many of those things.

And I don’t remember hearing about any complaining.  To the best of my knowledge, nobody ever pitched a fit about their “right to bake cookies.”  Or stomped their feet and wailed about how they should trusted to make good decisions and use their own judgement about how much sugar they used.  Nobody that I’m aware of tried to sue their local council members over sugar mandates.

Side bar:  in my grandmother's and great aunt's case, it was fudge they desperately wanted to make.  If you ever get the opportunity, have my mother relate “the fudge story.”  She’ll know what you’re talking about.  It’s hilarious. 

But I digress….

 

Nobody liked it.  Nobody enjoyed it.  Everybody had some level of anxiety over all the uncertainty.   But there was a collective understanding of common good and common effort against something “bigger” than the individual.  Whatever troubles American society had at that point, being able to work together towards a common goal was not one of them once that war effort began.

Two things occur to me as I reflect and write on this.  One: isn’t is sad that it took a devastating war (and what war isn’t devastating?) to bring out that so far unequaled cohesion in our society? 

And two:

Isn’t it sad that when faced with a crises such as we have never seen and were not prepared for AT ALL:  we could not get it back?  Even for a short time.

Does that mean we have failed?

Even in my bleakest moments I refuse to accept that.  In the darkest days of the pandemic when Covid seemed to be winning every battle, I would hear about neighbors spontaneously dropping off supplies (even toilet paper!) at their elderly neighbor’s doorway and waving at them safely through the window. 

Every time I would get disheartened about the latest “mask war” and hearing about some poor store employee getting screamed at and threatened for doing what their boss told them to and thus staying employed…..it was hard to keep my spirits up; let’s just say that.

Then a story would appear on the news about someone pulling into the grocery store and seeing someone still in their car, too nervous to go in and risk exposing themselves to an unseen killer.  After some thought, this person walked over, asked what they needed, and offered to go in and get it for them while they continued to wait safely in their car.

We’re not through this yet.  The dust is only beginning to settle.

Don’t be the person refusing to cooperate.  Don’t be the person harassing overwhelmed workers in places that still require masks.  Whatever your opinion may be, don’t be the person that is part of the problem.

Be the person showing far more empathy than that.

Be the person with incredible kindness asking if they can help the other person who is still nervous about being out.

Be the person that is part of the solution to the healing we desperately need right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Irish Roots

Fennel. Turnips. Leeks.

I’ve hardly cooked with these.

My great grand-mother was born here, but from what I was told, she still considered herself Irish.

 

Potatoes, Carrots. Celery.

These roots I am more familiar with.

What would great-grandmother think if I called myself the “bhean an tí” 

(lady of the house) as I put the fish pie in the oven to bake?

Did I pronounce that right?

Probably not.

I hope I at least got the pie right.

 

Open Letter to Lawmakers

 

First, a hard truth for some of you:  you will never get the number of abortions performed in the United States to zero.  You just won’t.  Put whatever regulations, laws and bans you want out there; women will find ways to do it anyway.  I suspect people have been doing this since we discovered certain plants and herbs produced certain effects in the body.

But do you really want to at least bring down the number of abortions performed to smaller and smaller numbers?

Rather than spending time in a constant unending battle with Planned Parenthood, The National Women’s Law Center, the Center for Reproductive rights and other such organizations; rather than trying to take out Roe (which, incidentally, the majority of Americans support) – might I make a suggestion?

How about using that time, energy and brain power to address the main reasons women seek an abortion in the first place?

The top reason women give for seeking this totally safe procedure is:  finances.  They already have at least one child that they are already having trouble providing for.  And if she proceeds with the pregnancy, she discovers quickly that her first instincts were correct, that her finances just weren’t up for the load; she is then forced to apply for and accept state and federal assistance.  In other words: welfare.  She is then penalized and ostracized for being a “welfare queen.”

There is a way to solve this conundrum. 

Raise Women’s Pay.  Pass – and ENFORCE – better equal pay laws.  Even us privileged white women are consistently being paid less for doing the same work.  I can come up with all types of statistics regarding the amount.  In a few moments I can also come up with the current pay gap that is even worse for women of color. 

Even if in a traditional, steady, partner relationship, the work load is uneven.  I can also spout off the number of women that had to drop out of the work force this past “lost Covid year” because somebody had to stay home with the children and pragmatics dictated that the partner making more money (the man) remained working and the one making less (the women) resigned whatever position she had.

It seems common sense: raise the economic status of women in general and they won’t be so financially overwhelmed with an unexpected pregnancy and correctly concluding there is no way they can handle it right then and thus seek an abortion.

The second reason given for seeking an abortion? One word:  men.

The relationship with the father was already rocky.  Perhaps he has already shown himself to be unreliable.  Perhaps he bolted for the door the second she informed him she was pregnant and she is now facing being a parent alone.  See above regarding finances and the lack thereof.

Perhaps he was abusive and she had been trying desperately to escape the relationship already.  Now she faces the possibility of being tied to him in some way for the rest of her life.

Both of these scenarios also have solutions.  Better enforcement of support payments from those “dead beat dads” would be a good start.  A divorced friend of mine virtually never got hers on time.  She was told by her lawyer that they were so backed up they wouldn’t even look at her case for months.  She was told this right about the time she ran out of money to pay said lawyer.  Draw your own conclusions from that.

The second scenario is even more concerning.  Women in this situation need more than a safe house to sleep in for a short period of time. They need help rebuilding their lives. We need better support and safety nets for women getting out of abusive relationships.  I cannot say that firmly enough. 

Closing the “boyfriend loophole” on gun sales and denying guns to those convicted of domestic violence should be a priority.  These two measures will save lives.  And for goodness sake:  RENEW THE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN ACT!

These are just a few of the ways we can improve the lives of women of all colors and creeds in this country.  Dianna Green Foster, PH.D goes into more detail in her book on the decade long study looking into what becomes of women seeking an abortion in The Turnaway Study.  I recommend this reading to anyone no matter what side of this debate they are on.  The conclusions were eye opening and not always what I expected.

As busy law-makers, though, I understand you may not have time to fully read a thicker book.  So, allow me to sum up for you:

Improving the lives of women will drastically reduce the reasons given for having an abortion.  If the reasons for needing an abortion are reduced, fewer women will seek an abortion.

Thus, fewer abortions.

Women are happier and more secure.  Those that oppose and want to stop abortions see fewer being done – and they are happy.

Improve the lives of women, and everybody wins.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where I'm at: March 2021

 

Recently I read an article in the digital version of Ms. Magazine that made me realize something that I had unconsciously been doing for some time now.

With the exception of the wonderful man I’m lucky enough to call “Dad,” I have been systematically “divesting myself of the patriarchy”

The tea I drink every morning (and every other chance I get) comes from a woman owned shop in the Crestview Shops.

My financial advisor (yes, I have one) is a woman.

The people that I’m about to drop of my taxes to coomplete?  Woman owned company.

The new wine I just tried last night?  The ubiquitous Barefoot Wine is one of the few wineries with a woman as head winemaker.

That is just a few things.  This is an ever evolving list that I’m still working on.  Any ideas?

Support women.  Empower girls.  Change the world

Celebrate Women's History Month and International  Woman's Day on March 8th by supporting a woman owned / operated establishment.

Be healthy

J

The Women are coming

 With things a little crazy at my day job and the whole world seemingly insane I must report the creative well is a bit dry right now....so for this installment I am simply sharing a video that I found on Face Book.  Copy, paste and be inspired.

"The women are coming...."

https://www.facebook.com/1028499696/videos/10220672046444251/

My only further comment:  why is my country so far behind?????

Trust Women

 The Catholic school just down the street from me puts up this display every election cycle.  I pulled over just long enough to get this picture.  It is meant to be a memorial.  The sign reads that all of those white crosses represent the unborn fetuses lost to abortion. 

I am not questioning anybody’s deeply held beliefs. 

Let me say that again:  I am NOT questioning or condemning anyone’s belief systems.

But every time I go past this I feel compelled to point out to whoever might be listening that all of those white crosses could also represent a woman who died in childbirth after carrying a high risk pregnancy. 

Every one of those crosses could represent a single mom stuck in poverty and needing public assistance for years to come.

Every one of those crosses could represent a woman now tied indefinitely in some way or another to the abusive jerk she had been trying to get away from.    

And, yes, one of those crosses just may represent a woman who died or injured herself permanently trying to do a home abortion.

I am not questioning anybody’s faith or beliefs.  I am just pointing out that the abortion debate is a lot more complicated than our political leaders make it out to be.

The decade long study of a thousand women seeking abortion care outlined in Diana Greene Foster’s book The Turnaway Study fleshes out some of those nuances and dispels many of the “abortion myths” that are prevalent in our society still.

The end conclusion, though, was one I had intuited myself many years ago:  When a woman says she just can’t cope with a pregnancy right then – Believer her.

Protect Roe.

Trust women.